Something I’ve noticed many times is how the remembrance of the primacy of love in a situation brings peace and actually enables a deeper experience of awareness, honesty, and even solitude and silence.

For example, I’ll be driving home from Great Bend, thinking about all the things that have to be done when I arrive, and all that family members will probably be demanding of me, and I begin to feel tense. “How will I get all this done?” I wonder. And, “Why can’t they give me a break? Don’t they know that I’m not a machine?”

I become aware of the stressful feelings in my body and note the kinds of thoughts associated with them. The practice of awareness also enables me to stop indulging the melodrama and see it from a more objective perspective: what the thoughts are, what they’re about, how I’m projecting, etc. This helps to calm things down quite a bit, but then the additional decision to approach the situation from a motive of benevolence actually reverses the stress and creates an inner climiate of hopeful anticipation. I consciously, intentionally affirm that what’s most important when returning home is to love my family and serve their needs--that in doing so is my happiness, much moreso than in protecting myself. I know I’ll get around to “me” eventually . . . just have to get through that first wave or two of stuff that’s piled up in my absence. I invite the Spirit to bless this intent to love first, and by the time I pull into the driveway, I’m in an entirely different state of mind.

From the above example, you can see the interaction of the disciplines of awareness and honesty, and how they help to awaken the practice benevolence. Solitude and silence also figure in significantly, as I have a considerable amount of both in those long and many drives.

To take us a little deeper into this topic for practice sake, I’m excerpting the chapter on Right Desires from my book Pathways to Serenity. The link will take you to the online version; you’re welcome to the whole book as part of your fee for this forum.

Avoiding Wrong Desires

. . . You have your needs and dreams and goals -- all of which conspire to give your life a felt sense of direction. Some of your desires are noble and benevolent; others are fueled by resentment and shame. Sometimes you want to do works of mercy; other times you just want to have a good time and be free of responsibilities. The only thing certain here is that undisciplined desires will eventually lead to an increase in the small (false) self. Therefore, spiritual training is in order.

In keeping with what was said about right actions (from the book), wrong desires can be described as inclinations toward wrong actions--specifically violence, stealing, improper speech, illicit sex, and overindulgence in food and drink. Quite obviously, if you didn't want to do these things, you probably wouldn't. But anyone who works with substance abusers knows what can happen with people who have problems in these areas. The female alcoholic swears she will never get drunk again, but the desire for drink eventually overcomes her resolve to stop. The wife-beater weeps apologetically, pleading for another chance. Later, when his anger become uncontrollable, he will beat his wife again.

In disciplining your wrong desires, you need to practice renunciation. This means that you make use of your faculties of thought and imagination to help turn your will away from its attraction to harmful behavior. For an example of how this works, consider the case of a married man who finds himself becoming sexually attracted to a female co-worker (who has also made it known that she is attracted to him). If this situation goes unchecked, it is likely that the two will find ways to see each other on the sly. His imagination has already begun creating delicious scenarios, and his excitement has grown to the point where he can scarcely resist any longer. To remedy this situation he will need to do the following:

* Consider how this affair would affect his relationship with his wife, even if she does not find out about it. (Consequences to self.)
* Consider what would happen if his wife found out about it --how she would be hurt, how she would react, and so forth. In imagination, he envisions this and allows himself to feel it. (Consequences to others.)
* Remember times in the past when he had a similar attraction for other women and how it eventually passed away. (Transient nature of small self.)
* Remember times in the past when he and his wife were close, and how special a person she is to him. (Positive values at risk.)
* Note what has happened to the character of friends and family members who break their commitments to their spouses by engaging in illicit sexual affairs. (Learning from others' mistakes.)
* Consider how this would affect his relationship with God. (Religious implications.)
* Finally, if all of the above tactics fail, he should speak with her about his discomfort, and request that they not flirt with each other any longer. He may even need to seek a transfer to another area to remove himself physically from her presence. (Avoidance of the near occasion of sin.)

By now you are probably thinking that renunciation is very difficult. It is! But the consequences of neglect are also ominous. This is why renunciation skills should be taught at a very early age. In addition to the common situation described above, you might also consider adolescents struggling with peer pressure to use drugs, executives tempted to embezzle company funds, and other similar cases. Without renunciation skills, you are vulnerable to temptation--and there is already enough of that in this world!

Right Desires

Happily, there is another side to this issue, and it is the cultivation of right desires. Because you have wrong desires, you need to practice renunciation; if, however, you cultivate right desires, you will have fewer temptations, and so have less need for renunciation.

Benevolence--one of the mega-virtues mentioned in Chapter Six--is another name for right desires. It means wishing the best for yourself and others--even those whom you do not particularly like. Benevolence is goodwill toward all, because everyone is a brother or sister on the same journey as you. There are no enemies in the benevolent mind; there is not even duality (I-and-thou, us-and-them, and so forth). Only "we" and "us" and our common welfare constitute the focus of benevolence.

As with renunciation, the cultivation of benevolence makes use of other functions of consciousness. The following "pathways" suggested by Ken Keyes, Jr. , in his Handbook to Higher Consciousness are excellent. Keyes suggests that you repeat these pathways throughout the day--especially when you begin to move into what has been labeled the small self.

* Open yourself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate your deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree keeps you stuck in your illusion of separateness from other people.
* Feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.
* Act freely when you are tuned in, centered, and loving, but if possible avoid acting when you are emotionally upset. Otherwise, you deprive yourself of the wisdom that flows from love and expanded consciousness.
* Perceive each person, including yourself, as an awakening being who is here to claim his or her birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.

By simply repeating these messages to yourself in private prayer, while riding about in a car, or when interacting with others, you can help to generate benevolence.

In addition to the above pathways, you might make use of imagination to envision yourself behaving kindly toward others. If, for example, you have behaved selfishly with another, you might try sitting quietly in God's presence for a few moments, then reliving the scene where you acted wrongly. You ask God's forgiveness and resolve to make amends; then you pray that God will help you to see yourself behaving differently. In imagination, you again re-live the scene; only this time you avoid the wrong and behave kindly. You feel yourself behaving in this new situation and thank God for another option. This kind of positive imaging is a powerful way to reprogram your biocomputer.

In this area of right desires it is good to remember that you are not alone in this work of conversion. God is with you! You can do your part by practicing the renunciation and benevolence disciplines described above, but the ultimate work of conversion is going on at a much deeper level. When you surrender your will to God in prayer, he accepts this gift and does his own quiet work. This surrender of the will to God is very important, for without it you are still acting as though you were God."Thy will be done" is the stance of the person in serenity. If you offer your will to God, he will place his own desires in your heart.

Further Reading and Study

Definitions and Notes on Benevolence
Right Resolve (A Buddhist Perspective)
Loving-Kindness Practice (a meditation approach)
Quotes on Kindess (very nice)

Reflection/Discussion/Questions

1. Give examples of how the practice of benevolence helps to sustain in you a peaceful spirit.

2. What do you think about the value of renunciation skills? What kind of renunciations do you need to practice at this time in your life.

3. Recall the four benevolence pathways of Ken Keyes, Jr. Repeat them to yourself at least three times a day.

4. Read a Gospel passage in which Jesus is extending benevolence. In imagination, see and feel yourself doing what Jesus is doing in that scene. After a while, shift the scene to a similar circumstance in your own life.