Now that we have described several basic contemplative practices and have begun to turn our attention to the issue of attachments, we can now delve more deeply into understanding the nature of our human brokenness. Traditionally, this has been understood in terms of sin, especially original sin. In our time, the very same phenomenon is often described using more psychological language, and that is the approach I am taking in this session.

What follows is material that I have had published in several places, most recently in the book listed in the title above. In the context of contemplative practice, this understanding of the false self system can help us to better understand this condition, and so to be more aware of its influence in our lives. This awareness, in turn, can in and of itself help us to become more free from these destructive attitudes and behaviors.

Conditioned for Unhappiness

When we are born, there is no ego. There is only the unconscious self expressing through a limited number of instinctive behaviors. This unconscious self is also attuned to its environment in a feeling way. As infants, we can tell whether we are loved or rejected. As we develop, we are being shaped by environment at the level of emotion. Within a few months, we begin to understand something of the meaning of the words we are hearing. By the age of two, we understand many words, including the words me and mine. At this stage, the human subject is capable of perceiving himself or herself as an object of attention. This is the beginning of the ego.

In a perfect world, where everyone unconditionally loved everyone else, the ego would exist in a beautiful harmony with the unconscious self. This unconscious self would, in turn, be a medium through which God's presence would always be informing the decisions of the ego. As we all know, this is not the situation in which we find ourselves. Instead, what we find is disharmony between the concerns of the ego and the deeper self. Consequently, the ego has lost its "natural" sense of God's presence and feels alienated from God. We are more awake to the concerns of ego than to the presence of God, which is a sure sign that something has gone wrong. How did this happen to us? Here is a hypothetical scenario:

1. The environment in which we grow up loves us conditionally. This begins in the womb, where the developing embryo is attuned to the emotional state of the mother and, through her, to the rest of the world. Later, the care given the infant by the parents and family communicates conditional love in many ways.

2. When the embryo and later the infant is loved conditionally, he or she experiences at least a slight sense of rejection and the emotion of fear. If one is loved very little, there is great fear and distrust very deep within.

3. As the ego begins to develop, the emotional consequences of conditional love-mostly fear, distrust, and shame-create a turmoil in the unconscious that prevents the ego from developing in harmony with the unconscious self. It is as though the light of God mediated through the unconscious self is blocked out by these deep emotional scars. Hence, the ego will be much more attuned to the outside world and will be in some kind of avoidance posture toward the inner world of the unconscious as it develops.

4. The ideas and images of ourselves that we pick up from the developmental environment reinforce our feeling of being loved conditionally. In many ways, we learn that we are loved for what we do, not for who we are. At the level of thought,
therefore, we conclude that we are conditionally lovable and acceptable. Our self-judgment and our perception of others' judgments of us-two integral parts of self-image-are deeply colored by this conditionality.

5. Concluding that we are only conditionally lovable and acceptable, we are constantly on the alert for the conditions by which we can become more acceptable to ourselves and others. These conditions are perceived to exist in externalsin the opinions of others, in accomplishments, in money and other possessions. The center of attention of the ego, then, is drawn to the outside world as the source of happiness.

6. Having lost touch with the presence of God in the ground of our deepest self, the ego has also lost its true identity. To compensate, it identifies strongly with family roles, nation, race, athletic heroes, and other people to gain for itself some kind of identity through association.

This, then, is a brief summary of how we become split within ourselves through the experience of conditional love. Since everyone grows up in an environment of conditional love, everyone experiences this kind of brokenness and loss of contact with God. There are a wide range of possibilities here, since some environments are much more loving than others. To the extent that we have not been loved for who we are, however, we are damaged.

The False Self System

Out of this condition of wounding and brokenness, we develop a false self. This false self is a whole dimension of the personality, encompassing both egoic and unconscious levels. It is not the whole of the personality, however. Were that so, we would be incapable of seeing the reality of our condition, and we would never be able to change. Nevertheless, the degree of infection by the false self system is very pervasive. It is like a cancer that has spread throughout the entire soul, although it has not completely killed the soul. The deepest, unconscious self-center remains free from contamination by the false self.

What is this false self like? Let us list a few of its characteristics by summarizing its philosophy of life.

• I am conditionally lovable and acceptable. I have no real worth in and of myself. I must do something to be loved and accepted. My worth is predicated on doing the right things.

• The conditions for getting love and acceptance are defined by people and circumstances outside myself. Therefore, I must use my rational intelligence to constantly scan the culture and the opinions of others to perceive the conditions by means of which I will attain a sense of worth and meaning. I am constantly judging other people and circumstances according to my perceived conditions for happiness.

• I will do whatever is necessary to gain the approval of others, all the while avoiding their disapproval. I will reveal those aspects of myself to others that I think they want to see; for if they knew what I really thought and felt, they might not accept me.

• The God I believe in is utterly transcendent-totally outside of myself. Like everything else, I have to do certain things the right way in order to gain God's approval. Religion teaches me what these right things are.

• When I feel numb or painful inside as a result of living according to this philosophy, I will use mood-altering "fixes" to make myself feel better or to take the edge off my inner pain.

Anyone can see that this philosophy of life is laden with many pitfalls. Few people are free of this consciousness, however, because as already noted, there are both conscious and unconscious aspects to this false self system. Also, for many people, this false self is so dominant and so caught up in external concerns that they are little aware of anything else.

The false self system is responsible for all our misery and for the destruction of the planet. It is totally out of touch with the harmonizing influences of the deeper self, so it is constantly trying to change the external world and external circumstances in an attempt to gain happiness. Because our happiness is within and is not a consequence of inadequate external factors, the false self only succeeds in creating disharmony in the world. This disharmony has brought the planet to a state of crisis!

Spirituality and the False Self:

Working as a system of consciousness at the level of the ego and the unconscious, the false self-like all other states of consciousness-operates out of a certain intentionality, or center. This center, we have noted, is a spiritual issue.

What is the center, or intentionality, of the false self?

It is looking outward to other people, things, or circumstances to make us happy. This is its general orientation, fired by the intellectual and emotional convictions that in and of ourselves we are flawed, a mistake, unlovable, and unacceptable. We think we must accomplish something or get something to be loved, so we are always looking outside ourselves to discover what this might be. We call this external referencing.

Specifically, this external referencing is usually focused on one source as most responsible for our happiness. Most commonly, this is another person. We tell ourselves that we cannot be okay without that person's good opinion of us, without his or her approval, without being special to that person. Sometimes it is not one person but a group of people (maybe the whole world!) that we are trying to impress. When we do succeed in getting this approval, we feel high, thrilled, exalted! It is like a drug. The more we get, the more we want.

Of course, the shadow side of this is that when they do not give us approval, we feel low, devastated, down on ourselves. As a result of depending on other people in this way for our happiness, we lose the freedom to really be ourselves before others. We are constantly wondering what they think, and our mind is preoccupied with this, draining the psyche of energies that could be used for other purposes.

What I have just described is relationship addiction, or codependency. It is but one possible manifestation of the false self system. External referencing might also be focused in work, accomplishments, sex, gambling, winning, food, television, alcohol and drugs, shopping, and a wide range of other moodaltering possibilities. Any and all of these can be used addictively and can become full-blown addictions in their own right.

In a real sense, then, the false self system is an addictive self. Here are a few conclusions which force themselves upon us at this point:

1. Addictive fixes are the center on which the false self focuses. Addiction, then, is primarily a spiritual concern. It is the "spirituality" of the false self, giving rise, like all spiritualities, to a particular way of life and bringing a particular quality of energy and awareness to the one who lives this life. This way of life, its energy, and the attentional state it expresses all belong to the false self.

2. Everyone has been loved conditionally and has developed a false self to compensate for this. Only Jesus Christ and his mother, Mary, are excluded from this disease.

3. Everyone is an addict. The question is, what kind? Some, myself included, use a wide variety of things as fixes. Others use only one or two.

4. The false self system with its addictive preoccupations is the primary obstacle to experiencing God's presence.

This is putting the matter quite bluntly, I realize, and few people want to admit that they are addicts. But if we are to grow in Christian spirituality, the truth of the fourth point cannot be overstated. If we would come to center our lives in Christ, then we must also recognize that there is much about us that will resist the changes in lifestyle that Christian spirituality calls for. Let us identify the false self system right from the beginning as the source of this resistance. The false self is that within us that resists Christ. Using other, more theological terms, Saint Paul called it the presence of sin living in himself. (See Romans 7:15-25.)

I am sometimes greatly disturbed by the prevalent attitude that this false self system is "natural." It is not natural; it is common, however. God did not create people to become false selves. The false self is a perversion of what God has created. Its centers of meaning and value have nothing to do with God's will.

In the following session, you will be invited to get in touch with the presence of this false self in your own life. The purpose of these exercises is not to get you down on yourself but to help you begin to see the false self for what it is and what it does to you. By beginning to see the false self in this way, you will be awakening the true self within. The true self is that within us which sees the false self for what it is and is attuned to the energies of the Spirit of God. To empower the true self to understand the nature of the false self; we are already moving deeper into a conversion process, or spiritual awakening.

In our growth in Christian contemplative practice, then, we want to come closer and closer to the Lord. Recognizing the false self as the obstacle to this closeness, out of our love of the Lord, we become intent on naming it and letting it go. Every time we let go of a little bit of the false self system, we experience greater detachment, freedom, and serenity.

Further Reading

God, Self and Ego: An exercise in discernment. by Philip St. Romain. This is my doctoral dissertation, to which you are welcomed. There's lots in there about the difference between the Ego, Self, and False Self. Zip file will download to your hard drive. Double-click to decompress, then read the pdf file with Acrobat Reader.

True Self, False Self: Unmasking the Spirit Within. by Basil Pennington. An excellent spiritual read!

Reflection and Discussion

1. What questions and comments do you have from this presentation?

2. How does this understanding of the false self help you to better understand yourself?