“But when you pray, go to your private room and, when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in that secret place. And your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.

“In your prayers do not babble as the pagans do, for they think that by using many words they will make themselves heard. Do not be like them; your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”
(Mt. 6: 6-8)

This teaching of Jesus is usually presented in the context of prayer, and rightly so. But there is a very real sense in which it refers to the larger context of our lives. Indeed, if we are not living in a “spirit” of solitude and silence, it will be very difficult to realize these values very deeply when we come to prayer. We will be unable to enter into that inner private room of which the Lord speaks, as we will not be able to shut the door on distractions which signify all sorts of unhealthy attachments and lifestyle situations.

Even if you have a very busy life and are involved with people throughout the day, it is possible to realize more silence and solitude into your life. Without in any way being anti-social or denying yourself necessary, life-enhancing experiences of entertainment, education, and information, you can practice these contemplative disciplines. What follows are some ways:

1. Find times each day to be alone with yourself and God. In addition to your times for prayer, which are indispensable in contemplative practice, this could be a five minute break here or there throughout the day. Let this break time be free from reading, radio, TV, etc. . . just a time for being with yourself and God. Taking a walk is a great way to do this, as the movement helps to clear the mind and the fresh air invigorates the body. I also recommend taking the last 5 to 10 minutes of the day for solitude and silence.

2. Reduce the unnecessary noise around you. Turn off the TV and radio if you’re really not listening. If you’re driving somewhere in your car alone, for example, consider doing so in silence. Your car or truck can be your “sacred place” during that time--something akin to the cells in which the desert mothers and fathers dwelled centuries ago.

This making use of driving time for silence and solitude has become an important part of my own contemplative practice. I drive back and forth to Great Bend, KS from Wichita twice each week (2 hr. drive), and set aside the last half of each trip to just being with myself and God in my little truck, appreciating the Kansas countryside along the way in this spirit of silence. During the first half of the trip, I listen to NPR to keep up a bit with what’s going on in the world, and because I enjoy many of their interviews. When I listen the whole time, I arrive for work or home (as the case may be) feeling more fatigued and preoccupied than if I’ve taken the time for silence.

3. Have a media fast. Cut out (or drastically reduce) your exposure to radio, TV, newspaper, email, etc. for a day or more every now and then. We’re unquestionably the noisiest generation in history, with media intruding into our field of attention in many different ways. All this noise produces effects in the mind and emotions, resulting in a considerable loss of inner silence.

In this spirit of this point, I would also suggest that you set boundaries on media exposure. One of the things I really like about the Internet is that I can pretty much choose the content I expose myself to. If I want to look over a recapping of the news, there are several websites which do a great job of this. If I want sports, espn.com is great! Weather.com will provide a quick summary of the weather and a good forecast (for 24 hrs., at least). I can stay informed using a relatively silent medium of information and avoid all the hyped commercials and commentary found on TV and radio reporting.

4. Retreat days. This time-tested practice in Catholic religious communities has been a monthly day of recollection, and an annual retreat of at least five days. It is recommended that these days be spent in silence and solitude, except, perhaps, for times spent with a spiritual director, liturgy, and attending any conferences or presentations. These kinds of practices seem to help build up a reservoir of silence which can help to deepen one’s prayer and experience of living for weeks afterwards. Maybe you can’t afford to take so much time away, but whatever you can afford will be time well spent.

5. Make the sabbath a day of rest. That’s what it’s supposed to be. An ancient teaching is that no unnecessary servile work is to be done on the sabbath. Instead, however, many of us use this time to “catch up” on things neglected during the week. If we were to truly make it a day in which the soul is fed through silence, liturgy, recreation, and time spent enjoying family and friends, we’d have more energy, feel more rested, and be less restless within.

6. Practice not-thinking. Seriously, you don't really need to think all the time. Just stop doing it every now and then and you'll see that you can continue to do whatever it is you're doing without even thinking about it. You're already doing one thing and thinking about another most of the time anyway; now, in this practice, you just drop the "thinking about another" part and experience yourself "doing." Simply notice what you're doing. Be where you are and do what you're doing. In short order, your mind will become more silent.

7. Practice "right-sitting." The Easterners have long known that the mind becomes quiet if you sit squarely on your tailbone, back straight, chin slightly tucked in so that your line of sight is about 3 feet in front of you. You can do this sitting on a chair or, even better, cross-legged on a pillow on the floor. Let your hands rest on your legs, palm-up. Just notice the sensations of your body and around you as you call to mind God's presence. This is an awareness practice as much as one for silence, but they work together to deepen your openness to God. This posture is a good one for doing apophatic meditation, which is described in another lesson.

The Fruits of Silence and Solitude

There is a meditation by Mother Theresa that I really like:

The fruit of silence is prayer
The fruit of prayer is faith
The fruit of faith is love
The fruit of love is service

We see the importance of silence in this simple reflection.

Regarding solitude, I think Wayne Teasedale has put it very nicely in his book, The Mystic Heart.

Solitude always summons us to the essential, pulling us from the superficial. It is a call to look deeply at ourselves, at our relationship with the divine, and at our spiritual discipline. Solitude gives us the leisure to examine our deepest intentions, to take account of our actions, attitudes, and priorities. It invites us to abandon our questionable motives for more lofty ones. Solitude, like a compassionate surgeon, cuts away at our devenses to reveal our hidden agendas. Solitude shows us just how necessary it is for us to surrender to the divine, to the logic and demands of the inner journey. And it uncovers our resistance to this need for surrender; all the parts of ourselves we hold back from transformation but which we must inevitably release. (pp. 85-86).

The last sentence in this quote suggests a reason why so many--perhaps even the reader?--tend to avoid silence and solitude: it reveals to us deeper movements within. We’re afraid of what we might find, or else we know what we’ll find and use noise, activity, and addictions of all kinds to keep it at “arms length.” But learning to be with ourselves and our God in silence and solitude also helps us discover a means to compassionately embrace our brokenness and allow it to be healed. We learn through these disciplines that we possess inner realms which make it possible to be with our brokenness in awareness of God’s love for us just as we are. This is precisely the “medicine” we need to be truly healed of the emotional poisons we’ve been inflicted with through the years.

For further reading

Solitude and Awareness. A collection of quotes underscoring the value of solitude.
The Value of Silence in Quaker Spirituality. Article from Spirituality Today journal.
The Practice of Solitude and Silence. Good discussion with references from the Christian mystical tradition.
The Love of Solitude and Silence. from Imitation of Christ, by Thomas A. Kempis.

Reflection and Discussion

1. How do you feel when solitude and silence are in short supply in your life?

2. What are your experiences in practicing the kinds of disciplines recommended in this lesson?

3. Have you ever been on a silent retreat? If so, what effect did it have on you?

4. What other practices help you find solitude and silence in your life?

5. How do solitude and silence enable your experience of God?