Posted by Phil on February 15, 1999 at 13:33:59:
>>>Twelve days of Crissmus in de bayou....
> >>>Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix
it
las'
> >>>night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree.will grow in de
swamp,
> so
> >>>I swap it for a Satsuma.
> >>>Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves,
but
all
> I
> >>>got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an
made
> >>>some gumbo out of dem.
> >>>Day 3: Dear Boudreaux, Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired
of
> >>>eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens
to
> Marie
> >>>Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux.
Marie
> >>>needed some sparing partners for her fighting rooster.
> >>>Day 4: Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more friggin birds.
Deez
> >>>four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could
hear
dem
> >>>all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps,
an
fed
> >>>de rest of dem to de gators.
> >>>Day 5: Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I like
dem
> >golden
> >>>rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf
money
> >>>to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de
> Raisin'
> >>>Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!
> >>>Day 6: Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you coonass
turkey!
> >Poor
> >>>egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six gaeases. He
tried
to
> >eat
> >>>dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at
eating
> >>>cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem wit erster dressing on
> >>>Christmas day.
> >>>Day 7: Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I
see
> you.
> >>> Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem
birds
> >is
> >>>stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff
and
> >sue
> >>>him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and
some
> duck
> >>>hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you
> >>>tomorrow.
> >>>Day 8: Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips
on
his
> >>>mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem
cows
> >>>got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I
doan
like
> >>>dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish
and
> >>>sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey
probably
> >>>think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.
> >>>Day 9: Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to
borrow
> >>>the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call
Lords-a-Leaping
> >across
> >>>the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break
withcrumpets.
> >>> I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get
Chicory
> >>>coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese
bozos?
> >>> Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip
greens.
> >>>Day 10: Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman
don't
> >>>kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies
from
> >>>Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act
like
> >>>ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of
dem
got
> >>>bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2
cows
to
> >>>feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper; The Sears catalog
wasn't
> >>>good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords'royal behin.
> >>>Day 11: Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11
pipers
> >>>piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey
got
> off
> >>>de boat. We fixed snuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished da
whiskey
> >>>and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he drink a bottle of
Jack
> >>>Daniel an he having a good time yeah dancing with de floozies.
Thibeau
he
> >>>jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If
you
get
> a
> >>>mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.
> >>>Day 12: Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love
> >>>anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de
head
> >>>piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de
bayou.
> >>> The floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can make $20 for a table
dance,
> >>>and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids
doan
> >>>have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps,
watch
my
> >>>trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We will probably gross a
million
> >>>clams nex year.Twelve days of Crissmus in de bayou....
> >>>