Posted by Phil on June 03, 1999 at 07:52:15:
Top 15 Reasons Star Wars is Better Than Titanic
15. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of
the water.
14. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter,
and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
13. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class
or steerage.
12. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people
as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by
promoting bug eyed amphibians to Admiral.
11. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at
the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know
Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people
and blows up planets for fun.
10. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia
braves Jabba the Hutt.
9. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
8. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed
"kings of the world"?
7. "I'd rather be his whore than your wife," just
doesn't have the same sting as "I'd just as soon
kiss a Wookie."
6. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall
ornament. Leo simply freezes.
5. Han Solo would've steered clear of that damn
iceberg!
4. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've
anticipated, "Luke....I am your father."
3. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor
characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor
character.
2. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all
time by half of planet Earth, George Lucas did not
make a dork of himself at the Oscars.
1. Titanic morals:
a. gamble,
b. cheat on your husband,
c. pose nude for pictures,
d. premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated.
Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil,
b. do good,
c. respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers,
d. rescue princess,
e. save planet.