10 Rules for Enlightenment

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: In case you were wondering..... : (from <http://members.aol.com/rpeyser/swami.htm>)... : Blessings, : Janine : Swami Beyondananada's Ten Guidelines for Enlightenment : 1. Be a FUNdamentalist -- ensure that the Fun always comes : before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will : never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason we : are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good : laughsitive twice a day, which will ensure reguhilarity. : 2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift : just for entering, so you are already a winner! : 3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is : Tell-A-Vision. That's where I tell a vision to you and you tell a : vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, : we can change the channel. : 4. Life is like photography -- you use the negative to : develop. No matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God : loves you...He's just not ready to make a commitment. : 5. It is true: As we go through life thinking heavy : thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears and : cause a condition called "truth decay". Be sure to use mental floss : twice a day, and when you're tempted to practice 'tantrum yoga', : remember what we teach in the Swami's Absurdiveness Training Class: : DON'T GET EVEN, GET ODD. : 6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments : and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you and you no mad : at me. That way there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. Peace : begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there. : Pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace : everywhere. : 7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the : future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes my advice is simple: : When you find a fault don't dwell on it. : 8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do : is toilet train the world and we'll never have to change it again. : 9. If you're looking for the key to the Universe I've got : some good news and some bad news. : The bad news: There is no key to the Universe. : The good news: It was never locked. : 10. Finally, everything I've told you is channeled. That : way, if you don't like it it's not my fault. But remember: : Enlightenment is not a bureaucracy, so you don't have to go through : channels.

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