Posted by Nicholas Holloway on June 29, 19101 at 19:26:24:
Hello Diana, Anne, Phil et al.
Many thanks for your energised and extensive conversation/thread around "The Body of Christ"/Eucharist/Refusal of Holy Communion.
I should declare my hand. I was involved in the early formation and development of the rainbow sash. More info on this and me at:
http://www.nickholloway.com/rainbowsash
For a number of years I have been in an ongoing reflection, meditation, conversation, listening and dreaming about these issues of the rainbow sash: protest, appropriateness, political statements in sacred spaces, authenticity, value, purpose, function etc... etc...
There are no simple answers. I am only left with questions myself. Let me ask a question here (with a preamble... somewhat briefly!):
I am an openly gay man, while being gay is not the sum total of me, it is in some essential and fundamental way *crucial* to who I am, the way I am, the person I am in the world. It is important to me to bring the gift of myself, including my sexuality, into the world. I am also a Catholic/Christian. Eucharist, for me, is the most profound expression I know. For me Eucharist is Community, Communing, Relationship, Relating, Spirituality, Life, Christ, Love, Giving, Opening, Loving, Being, Source, Summitt, Life. As a young gay man in my twenties (I'm just 30 now!) I realised that participation in Church meant participating in a contract of discretion/silence about being gay ("You can be here... but hush up about being gay"). In turn I discovered that this also went for participation in Eucharist... I was welcome provided I did not bring my sexuality to the Table, that was the deal on offer. In conscience, I could not broker that deal. Instead I chose to wear a rainbow sash and "break" that silence.
In the course of these events I experienced the pain of being excluded from Eucharist. Different people experience it in different ways. For me it is *very* painful. So painful that I have not participated in a worship community since being refused Holy Communion in 1997. Not out of spite... out of vulnerability. It is simply too painful an experience for me.
I am left with the knowledge that if I am open about my sexuality in Church then I will be excluded from Communion. If I agree to the terms set forth by the Bishops, and approach in silence, then I will receive Communion.
So, now, the question:
If I am to remain in good conscience, how should I (given what I know and have experienced)... how should I attend mass and in what manner should I seek Holy Communion?
Kindness,
Nick