Dependency Attitudes and Behaviors
- reprinted by Philip St. Romain
1. Feeling unable to leave to. nest, or leaving it with bad feelings on both sides.
2. Feeling required or obliged to visit, telephone, entertain, chauffeur, or like.
3. Asking permission of a partner for anything, including spending money. authority to speak, use of the car, etc.
4. Invasions of privacy, such as looking through drawers and private records of children or others.
5. Sentences like, “I could never tell him how I feel; he wouldn’t like it.”
6. Falling into deep depression and severe immobilization after the death of a loved one.
7. Feeling committed to a particular job and unable to try anything else. Raving expectations of how a spouse, parent or child ought to be, act. etc.
8. Being embarrassed by a child’s, spouse’s, partner’s or parent’s behavior, as if what they are is a part of what you are.
9. Being “in training” all of your life for a job or position. never leaving the training phase for selfreliance.
10. Being hurt by what others say, feel, think, or do.
11. Feeling happy, successful, etc., only if your partner is feeling that way.
12. Taking orders from someone.
13. Allowing someone else to make decisions for you, or always asking for advice before deciding.
14. Being obligated to others because you depend on them: “I owe it to them.”
15. Not doing something in front of a parent or dominant person because they wouldn’t approve. Not smoking, drinking, swearing, eating a hot fudge sundae or whatever, because of your submissive role.
16. Giving up on your own life when a loved one dies or becomes seriously ill.
17. Using careful language around a dominant person, so that they won’ t be upset with you.
18. Persistently Lying about your own behavior, and having to distort the truth so that “they” won’t be upset with you.
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