Shalom Place

Essential Symptoms of Codependency

- adapted by Philip St. Romain; all rights reserved

Three types of codependents
1. Caretakers: relate to others primarily through roles that put them in a position of the giver, helper, supporter, nurturer, etc.
“Everyone’s needs are more important than my own.
2. ”Romance/relationship addiction: must be in a “relationship” and be “special” to someone in order to be OK with oneself; may use caretaking and sexuality to gain approval/acceptance; goes from relationship to relationship.
“You’re nobody unless you're in a special relationship with someone else.
3. ”Messiah complex: savior of the family, church, world; over-responsible, doesn’t ask forhelp, tries to make self indispensable.
“If I don’t do it. it won’t get done.”

Symptoms of codependency
 1. External-referenced on another person (or people).
 2. Tries to control behavior of others through approval-seeking and people-pleasing behavior.
 3. Experiences intimacy by discounting own feelings, and empathizing with feelings of others.
 4. Loss of healthy boundaries, generally resulting from doing things for others that violate one’s values, and from accepting unacceptable behavior from others.
 5. Frozen feelings, numbness with regard to one’s own feelings. Depression may also result from repressed anger.
 6. Low self-esteem. Self is valued according to others’ opinions. Uses martyr, victim, and messiah role to bolster self-esteem.
 7. Generalized anxiety, related to lack of control of one’s life.
 8. Mental preoccupation. Racing thoughts. Inability to enjoy mental silence and serenity.
 9. Lack of assertiveness.: inability to ask directly for one’s true needs. Inability to confront unhealthy behavior in others.
10. Narcissism. In the absence of healthy, legitimate boundaries, others are seen as for or against self.

Problems often related to codependency
 1. Other addictions--codependents use drugs, shopping, food, TV to cope with feelings. The majority of addicts--even alcoholics-- are codependents. Recovery from other addictions is jeopardized if codependency is ignored. As long as one is codependent, one is in the addictive process.
 2. Neuroses and psychoses--mental health problems with their own specific symptomology and dynamics may develop out of codep.
 3. Physical health problems--stress reduces effectiveness of Immune system to fight off diseases.