Origin of the False Self System
- compiled by Philip St. Romain; all rights reserved
1. Perception of a conditionally loving developmental environment.
- Body-feeling perception. Feeling rejected or conditionally accepted and loved.
- Splitting of feeling self into natural/wounded elements. Experience of fear, shame, hurt, anger.
2. Defensive contraction of psychic energy away from unconditional relationship with the environment by contracting the will.
- Decreases vulnerability to environment.
- Provides sense of existence of psychic energy that "belongs to me," "is mine," within "walls" of contraction. Provides sense of a "me-they-can't touch or hurt." Beginning of the delusion of self-sufficiency, and the deepest level of the False Self system. Origin of relational alienation, willfulness.
- Diminishes experience of "natural" union with the divine, Who is the true Source of all energy and existence.
3. Internalization of unhealthy rules from the environment; development of a Critical Parent system of internal programming.
- It's not OK to talk about problems.
- Feelings should not be expressed openly and directly.
- Communication is best if indirect, with one person acting as messenger between two others (triangulation).
- Unreasonable expectations: always be happy, be strong, be perfect, be in control of your feelings.
- You are responsible for how others feel ("make us proud").
- Don't be selfish (which includes even legitimate self-love).
- Do as I say, not as I do (unhealthy modeling).
- It's not OK to play or be playful.
- Don't rock the boat. Peace at any price.
(Robert Subby, Lost in the Shuffle)
4. Disempowerment of Adult system of intelligence (reason, freedom).
- Dialectical relationship between Critical Parent and Wounded Child. Intensity of this relationship drains power and energy from Adult system; overshadowing of Adult.
- Disapproval within (from Critical Parent) and without (from shaming aspects of developmental environment) when powers of reason and choice are exercised contrary to the dysfunctional rules of the Critical Parent developmental system.
5. Crystallization of the False Self Ego, or Survival System of Consciousness (occurs as early as five years of age).
- I am conditionally lovable and acceptable.
- The conditions for getting love and acceptance are defined by Critical Parent. These conditions spell out the kinds of things I must do to be loved and accepted.
- Therefore, I will adopt a life stance that will allow me to maximize opportunities for approval, and minimize my experiences of disapproval.
- This life stance will have its center "outside of self," in other people ', activities, things, and in an utterly Transcendent, judgmental God.
- This life stance will assume a shape in the various roles I play. My giftedness will be expressed in the context of these roles.
- I will maintain myself in these roles by using addictive fixes. These fixes keep me out of touch with my inner emotional experiences, and keep my center "outside of self."
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